The manager was dining out on fish caught earlier in the day (by someone) but was kept aware of the match (cricket) by two live streams. (No pun intended).

Middleton to the field first but successive batsmen fell for low scores and for once, no mention was made of the infamous oyster catchers sent from Driffield. Meanwhile, Shepherdson excelled with 73 before Marley Ward did for him with a superb caught and bowled.

Posting a target of 108 (all out) in 16 overs, Agnes set about the task with relish. Charlie Watts went for 9 but Fast Freddie Gunning proved again the scourge of Middleton posting 46 not out.  Sam Appleton made a welcome and blistering 23 off just 8 balls whilst a returning Sam Wragg brought Agnes home with 19 not out.

Port moment went to Sam Appy for turning up at Middleton whilst the rest of the Agnes chaps were at Victoria fields.  Good to see him turn up once again anywhere…

Will Norman was away, or harvesting, or at his baby minding school, or somewhere.

A star studded team batted first against league strugglers Flamborough Vikings.

Sam Moore elected to be 12th man to concentrate on his business and personal hygiene. Sam did have a shower but did no business work.

No one batted particularly well. And then everyone bowled well.

Port moment went to the skipper for an all time great catch.

Marley Ward was asked by a bowls committee member if his name was Ali

Mohammed because he needed to claim his raffle prize. And the pizzas were eaten at a record pace.

The RBA men travelled to Driffield Rec to take on league leaders Driffield Rugby Club. Agnes lost the toss and bowled.

Golden Child, Louis Beckett removed James Pick in his first over and this is then when the game began to take shape. DRUFCC could have sent out one of 3 Hatton superstars but chose to hold them back. This proved very silly as this meant that it was the 12 over mark before the ‘superstars’ reached the crease. Louis Beckett and The Skipper both bowled very economically on a tiny ground.

In reply, it was tight to start but Will Muscles Watts and FastFreddie calmed the nerves before some slogging at the end from the MBP and Muscles to see us home.

Port moment went to Marley Ward for a brilliantly disguised dropped catch. You can call this good game awareness, using his brain, being tactically aware and some people may even call this shithousery.

After the game, In total, £241 was spent between the lads at Five Bites. Fin Ward once again said, you can go to Pipe and Glass all you want but this garlic mayo can not be beaten. And you have to respect Fin’s opinion when it comes to garlic mayo.

A great night and a great win for the Agnes chaps. Good to see Appy back too.

The Agnes chaps arrived at Wetwang on a bright sunny evening with a huge sense of optimism for the fixture which last year proved to be a considerable challenge. Absent from selection were all three Beckett’s who it was said were playing golf from the deck of a coal carrying longboat navigating the Manchester shipping canal.

Charlie Watts opened for Agnes with the sparkling Sam Moore, who quickly departed for 11. Charlie was then joined by Cam Anderson, both of whom took up the challenge in their different styles. Each batsmen scored freely with Cam hitting a magnificent 81 including seven 6’s and Charlie posted 51 including four 4’s.  Will Watts then came in and bludgeoned 30 off just 11 balls to see Agnes post 190 / 3

In response, Wetwang made a spirited effort to chase down the total but the Agnes bowlers always had the margin to control.  Vintage spells by the skipper (1 for 33 off 4) and Albert Boynton (1 for 20 off 2) were very much enjoyed by the touring Agnes support of squad members, our scorer (who this week mastered t’iPad) our motivational speaker, our manager and LittleRichard Wapbambalooo. Jordan Zamunda made his presence known with 2 for 17 and Fin Ward 3 for 25 but this after Ben Traves had sent down 5 overs taking 1 for 25. Agnes winning by 69 runs.               

Wetwang were well supported with several family groups crowding the lawns in front of the pavilion. The post-match supper at the Victoria Arms was first class and to cap the evening, the evergreen Albey was awarded the Port moment for his lightening fast catch running in from deep backward square to quiet the conversational Walker for a golden duck.

Agnes travelled to Driffield for what is always a good night of cricket.

Charlie Watts and Ollie Becketts opened up after last week’s performance. The heroics couldn’t be repeated but a platform was built for the MBP and patriotic Scotsman, Cam Anderson to hit off. Cam Anderson hit a seven ball over for 38 runs and then raced to his 3^rd hundred of the season of a staggering 40 balls (another suit for the Manager to get measured up).

The reply soon looked ropey with the Driffield batters peppering the houses. With 60 needed off 2 overs it was all but done. Jack Oakley batting through for the Woldsmen with an impressive 121 not out off 64 balls.

Port moment was a straight forward one for Glen Quagmire Dodds to award to Cam Anderson.

After the game, the lads supped some ale in the full measure and then retired to Five Bites under the recommendation of The Skipper. Fin Ward rated his meal as a solid 9/10 and said the garlic mayo just had the edge on Mario’s. And when Fin speaks about garlic mayo, you have to listen.

We were lucky that the first ten overs of last nights game were recorded on Frog Box. Unfortunately, the stream stopped working at ten overs so we couldn’t catch Cam’s knock. To see the stream, click on the link below and watch Charlie Watts batting (sorry Charlie…but someone had to get it).

It was a glorious sunny evening to welcome Grindale to the Victoria Fields and having won the toss Agnes decided to bat. All the pre-match talk centred around the absence of vice captain will Norman who seemingly has been detained by a plague of infants, who had captured and retained him as their personal attendant.  This rivals Little Richard and his basement incarceration also at the hands of small people. It makes us wonder dear reader, whether this infiltration is a coordinated effort by Driffield cricketers to weaken the Agnes side.

Charlie Watts and Oliver Beckett both looked imperious at the crease as they accumulated runs in an attractive and stylish manner, stroking the ball to all corners of the outfield. Going into the 20th over the pair were still at the crease and Albie who was umpiring at the time began to well up because in all his years of cricket at Burton Agnes, man and boy, he’s never seen an opening pair go through 20 overs undefeated. Ollie Beckett had reached the magnificent 106 when, on the penultimate ball, ( which was a wide ) he gave an outside edge to the wicked keeper and trudged off in a disconsolate manner. His teammates however gave him a warm and deserved round of applause as they did for Charlie Watts who finished two balls later on 53 not out.

In response, the Grindale boys chased a tough target of 175 to win with great determination but for the loss of three wickets they finished some 30 runs short.

Both sides retired to the Manor Court for a splendid helping of pizza and lovely beer and the port moment of course. Oli Beckett, who also claimed two of the three Grindale wickets, was presented with the prestigious award. Albie though, was also a contender for his contentious LBW decision and during the post match interview at the bar, he explained that despite the batsman being out of his crease, the chap admitted not seeing the ball as it crunched onto his toes plum in line with the stumps.

With the passing of the summer solstice, we look forward to the second half of the season and a visit to Driffield rec next week.

The Manager.

A classic evening of cricket unfolded away at Middleton on yet another dry Thursday night.

Agnes were soon 20-4 and at 35-6 it was looking like an early trip to the Robin Hood was on the cards. This was until FastFreddieGunning played one of his better life knocks and blasted his way to 54. With 7 balls left and FastFreddie seeing it like a beachball it was not ideal when Charlie Watts triggered him (sorry Charlie).

The Agnes bowling reply was perfect with Middleton soon at 20-4. One of the Middleton lads then carted many sixes, making it advantage Middleton. Poor Finn Ward had the unenviable task of bowling the penultimate over. With 2 of his first 3 balls going for six and with Finn seen mouthing, “this is sh*t” on the Sky Sports cameras it was looking like the game was gone. With 3 runs needed off 8 balls and 3 wickets remaining, Finn removed the dangerman and then produced a dot ball.

Final over. 3 runs needed, 2 wickets left and a confident Marley Ward with ball in hand. First ball was defended and the second ball was left (which made no sense). The 3^rd ball was caught by a visibly nervous Fred Langton. 3 runs now needed from 3 balls. The final ball saw the ball roll to Fred Langton who then rolled it to the stumps for Marley to intercept and guide Agnes to an unlikely victory, sparking wild scenes in little Richard’s basement. Fireworks were also released from the windows of West Hill Pharmacy.

Port Moment – shared between Ben Traves, Marley Ward and Fast Freddie.

Across in Italy, The Manager has paid for Glen Quagmire Dodds and Charlie Watts to attend an emergency evening league umpiring course. The lads will have to watch the video below for 12 hours straight (with no toilet breaks).

Agnes welcomed Div 2 side North Frodingham to ‘Oyster Catcher’ Fields on a warm and dry Tuesday evening in the first round of the Hospital Cup.

The Flixton lot were all unavailable. Fred Langton was at Sea Cadets and Sam Wragg had the snip on Monday.

In more positive news, Ben Brown has been seen living rough in Dalby Forest. A keen hiker said that Flame had a huge beard and he smelt terrible but we are positive that he has been located.

Glen Quagmire Dodds and Dan Fryer returned to action to make their 2025 debuts.

Agnes bowled well against weaker batsthem.

Agnes got the job done in the second innings.

Port Moment – Jordan Zamunda for hitting the same NF batsmen repeatedly with bouncers & Charlie Watts for being hungover from his trip to Skeg-Vegas (actually Vegas).

Pizzas were eaten at record speed after the game and Louis Beckett had his first beer since returning so told us all stories about his classes in America. To see Louis in a class in the States then please watch the video.

Agnes scored what looked like 20 runs over par against a strong DRUFCCC.

With DRUFCC 20-2 in reply (off 8 overs) it looked like Agnes were going to coast to victory.

*SCENES MISSING & OYSTER CATCHER RELATED INCIDENTS*

The Rugby Club eventually ‘Hattoned’ us.

Port Moment – Will Watts and Ollie Beckett

Wetwang Fisheries travelled to Victoria Fields to seek revenge for Will Watts ‘non run out, run out’ incident of 2024. Ben Brown continues to be AWOL. Flame – we know you have forwarded one of these reports to Wetwang player, Wakka. Either make yourself available or the electricity and gas supply to Withernsea will be cut off.  

Head scorer, Richard Watts was at a nudist retreat in Devon and Fin Ward returned, having begrudgingly spent £850 to make his car road worthy.

Wetwang started strong – flaying the ball to all parts. However, once the dangermen were gone it all slowed down. Marley Ward taking 4-11 from his 5 overs.

FastFreddieGunning and Charlie Watts then made serious light work of the target. Knocking off the runs with overs to spare. Both scoring 30 (ish). What made these innings even more impressive was that both men had to bat on a wicket that had been ravaged by hungry oyster catchers during the week – much to the despair of head groundsmen Albert. Port moment – shared between FastFreddie and Charlie Watts

The Agnes men travelled to Brandesburton for their first away game of the 2025 season.

Ben Brown remains in police custody (for his own safety) after being found guilty of felling the sycamore gap tree. Fin Ward couldn’t travel as his car failed its MOT and we also saw the return of former golden boy, Louis Beckett. Louis has been deported from America under the Trump regime due to having no formally recognised qualifications or skills.

Agnes begun terribly with the MBP getting out first ball of the innings. Will Watts and Fast Freddie Gunning then responded well. Both lads being unlucky to not score a 50.
Brans then came out swinging from the hip from ball one.

Some good fielding and some average fielding meant this game was going to be another thriller. With ten needed from the final two balls and Jordans Zamunda being deposited for a huge 6 it meant 4 runs were needed for victory.

Luckily, there wasn’t a repeat of James Nettleton’s woeful attempt at fielding back in 2016 and only two runs were taken from the final ball that went to Marley Ward at long on.
Port moment – Fast Freddie Gunning for runs and a run out.

The Agnes men were welcomed to an exceptionally dry Queen Victoria Fields to host Driffield Rec for the first game of the evening league season – in fact, it was so dry that a parcel of oystercatchers have chosen to nest on the square.

Agnes were without many men; Ben Brown looks like he will be unavailable for the foreseeable – evidence such as chainsaws, ropes and mobile phone footage linked to the sycamore gap tree were all found in his garage. Louis Beckett has pulled his quad whilst meeting up with Bonnie Blue in the States. Fred Langton and Sam Wragg are both taking part in a charity fight which involves 100 men fighting 1 gorilla – we do regret to inform you that Fred Langton was used as early cannon fodder and has died during the challenge. And Little Richard is still banned from playing for his WhatsApp behaviour.

Agnes batted first and it looked like they had scored 15 runs over par thanks to some hefty blows from new man, Shashank.

Agnes then replied well with the skipper and Ben Traves having Driff Rec 2-2. The real GOAT of the night league, Tot Ritchie, then simply toyed with the Agnes men and guided the Woldsmen to victory.

Port moment – Shashank.

#MAGA