Agnes 105 – 7 lost to Driffield 106 – 5

The question on everybody’s lips upon arrival was, “Where is Flame?” The burly, red headed figure has not been seen or heard for a few weeks now. Some say he is lost on his way back from a night shift at Withernsea. Others say that he has moved to Wetwang CC. Other members, rather hazily are saying that the towering, ginger haired medium pacer is dead.

Agnes’ inning started slowly, the two Will’s (Norman and Watts) struggled to cope with the disciplined medium pace. Out of nowhere, Sam Wragg sprang to life, hitting 4 sixes in a row. Could this be a night of history? The infamous John Futter (grandfather of Mick Futter) once hit 4 sixes for Agnes, 5 in a row is however yet to happen. With all of Sam’s muscles (and puppy fat) tensed he swung but with no success. Sam was regrettably caught the next ball going for a 5th six.

Agnes struggled but rallied well at the end, Marley Ward ran well but the boundaries did not come. Agnes ended on a respectable 105.

Agnes would have to field and bowl well to be in with a chance of victory. Charlie Watts continued his form with the ball, he was however let down by some sloppy fielding; fielding which in the end probably decided the outcome of the game. Driffield romped to victory with 2.4 overs left.

Port moment went to Wragg once again. The players took their frustration out by eating many of the Judges finest hot pizzas. The skipper is rumoured to have severely burnt the roof of his mouth and Charlie Watts is crying somewhere because he doesn’t like melted cheese.

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Agnes 137-6 beat Grindale 90 all out

The semi-final of the Bridlington Hospital Cup; a semi-final that nobody saw coming. A cup run that has been buried in between many other nights of cricket. A semi-final that appeared out of nowhere, similar to Dan Fryer’s new posh accent.

Agnes arrived at Dukes Park in good spirit. Charlie Watts was wearing full high vis in the hope the captain knew he was there so he could bowl. Sam Moore arrived in unwashed whites, making him smell like an old farm dog. And Will Norman was wearing a full chain mail body armour suit.

With light drizzle and a hint of sea fret in the air Grindale were keen to knock this game on the head. But with no James Pick in the opposition, Agnes stood firm and said they would wait until midnight for it to dry up.

The skipper tossed the coin and Agnes were batting in a 16 over affair. Early wickets fell but the loveable care bear Sam Wragg hit some sixes and then it was over to the Nesfield’s.

As subscribers of this report know, Jamie Nesfield is a bad egg who requires a lot of managing. Subscribers do however know that every season, Jamie has a few match winning innings up his sleeve. Tonight was one of those nights. The manager’s last words to the cavalier batsmen were simple, “don’t come back until you have scored 50!” Jamie promptly moved into top gear, depositing balls for six over the club house and thrashing the ball to all parts. Jamie’s brother Ringo ably supported him at the other end, having to play second fiddle for much of the innings. End of innings, Agnes 137.

It was a similar tale, remove Major and Robinson and the game was Agnes’. When Grindale were 60 without loss from 5 overs this looked like it was going to be a night to forget. The turning point of the game was when the skipper caught the high vis wearing Charlie Watts from the corner of his eye. Young Chizzle came on and in the blink of an eye had 4 victims. Sam Wragg claimed another 4 victims from the other end and it was left to Mark Beckett to take the final wicket which saw Beckett leap 4 feet into the air.

Port moment was a toss-up between Nesfield, Wragg and Watts, all 3 deserving of the award in equal measure. It however was awarded to Sam Wragg because he biked to the game. This old school style of living certainly doesn’t go unnoticed at t’Agnes.

Another memorable night at Dukes Park.

Up t’Agnes.

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Agnes 141 – 6 drew with Grindale 141

Agnes travelled to Dukes Park on a sunny evening to play the form team of the league, Grindale. The coin was tossed to the background noise of squawking seagulls, children playing in the skate park and the sound of 70s music coming from the wedding taking place in the clubhouse.

Agnes won the toss and decided to bat. Will Norman and Sam Wragg were quickly into their stride hitting 4s and sixes. Both men, frustratingly got out for 31. Tom Norman continued the flow of boundaries (also scoring 31) and was ably supported by Will Bradley, Ollie Becketts and Jamie Nesfield. Agnes ended the innings on a competitive score of 141.

Agnes knew that Grindale had two danger men in Russ Robinson and John Major. The earlier these men got out the more likely Agnes were going to see victory. Russ Robinson smoked his way to 54 before playing all around a Sam Wragg delivered that did nothing. Wickets then fell at regular intervals.

The equation in the final over was simple; Grindale needed 12 to win. John Major quickly got 11 of the runs that were required. With scores level and needing 1 to win, John Major was once again outclassed by the wily Jamie Nesfield. Spotting a colossal weakness in his technique, Jamie threw the ball wider and Major hit the ball into the waiting hands of Ollie Becketts. Becketts caught the ball and John Major regained his place in Jamie Nesfield’s back pocket.

This draw was met with utter pandemonium from the 25 travelling Agnes supporters. The manager handed out the new caps that have taken 3 years to be made. Some people say that they are made from illegal horse hair. Others say that the manager had them hand stitched by the finest tailor in Italy. All the Agnes know, is that they were worth the wait.

What happened later on in the night is all very blurry. Ears were pierced. Sick was discharged and the Agnes could well have a new Bangladeshi signing. It is even rumoured that a member of the team cr*pped his pants.

Another quality night of entertainment.

Up t’Agnes.

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RBA 72 beat 71 all out Middleton and North Dalton 2nd X1 Thursday night team

Fans were treated to great game of cricket On a long awaited sunny evening as Burton Agnes played host to Middleton and North Dalton 2nd X1

Agnes were missing some champagne players who were unavailable due to Flixton commitments. So it was a youthful, fresh and all round positive side that took to the picturesque Victoria ground.

Agnes batted first on an ever challenging wicket. Wickets fell regularly with a meaning full knock from young Will Bradley (18) and good starts from Sam Wragg-Doll and Charlie Watts. The tail wagged with swashbuckling hitting at the end from Sam Moore and love island contestant Fred Langton, seeing Agnes eventually post 73 from 20 overs.

Dalton struggled in reply from the start, in what seemed to be a total that should be knocked off with some ease. Wickets tumbled throughout with excellent bowling from Will and Fred Bradley, Charlie Watts and Little Sam Wragg, who at the end of the night claimed 5 wickets. A nail biting finish saw Daltons number 11 needing 2 for victory, however he nicked it to keeper Watts off the bowling of Wragg. Dalton 72 all out.

An entertaining night for both players and supporters. Not only in cricketing terms but fashion aswell. 6’6” Irishman Damian made his debut at short notice and took the field in Richard Watts (5’5”) whites, which put quite simply did not fit.

Port moment , Will Bradley for efforts with both bat and ball.

 

Up The Agnes

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RBA 130 lost to BAB 189-4

The Driffield Evening Cup, a competition that RBA always do badly in, a competition that year in, year out breaks the Agnes players’ hearts. Do the Agnes players still wake up in a cold sweat remembering Netto’s absolute f*** up against Staxton? Yes they do. Are the Agnes bitter and twisted individuals? Yes they are.

Could tonight be any different? Playing a strong BAB team it was always going to be a tough task and when Dan Broumpton and somebody called Glen put on 100 runs in 8 overs, the task became even harder. At this stage it looked like BAB could score 250. Tight bowling from the problematic Jamie Nesfield and Herculean like Will Bradley restricted BAB to 189.

Agnes replied well with Tom Norman hitting a flurry of boundaries. Will Norman hit a six and things looked rosy. That was until the MBP was clean bowled trying to hoy a six. Tom Norman was out playing a reverse sweep and Will Watts’ off stump is rumoured to still be cartwheeling through Driffield town centre.

Agnes thought back with a gutsy 40 runs from Jake Hatton. Agnes all out 130. This certainly was not an embarrassment but it will be remembered as another year of misery in the cup that everybody would like to win.

With the Skipper too lazy to eve attend the fixture it was decided by the senior committee of Albert, Chopper and MBP that there would be no port moment.

Up t’Agnes.

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Agnes 90 ao lost to Flamborough 168 – 3

Marley Ward and the troublesome character of Jamie Nesfield returned. Will Bradley made his debut and Ben Brown is still AWOL. Agnes won the toss and chose to bowl. For the first 6 overs, this seemed like a captaincy masterstroke; balls shooting along the ground, good moral in the field and Marley Ward catching anything that moved behind the sticks.

The first over of this encounter saw a young Will Bradley (possibly the best looking chap to ever play for t’Agnes) bowl many balls that bounced no more than 1 inch. This was met with yelps and screams from Jamie Nesfield, “wah, 30 will be enough on this track!” Oh Jamie.

It was during the 7th over that you may say, ‘the shit hit the fan’. Charlie Watts dropped a catch he would expect to clasp. Mark Beckett’s fuse began to shorten and Tom Norman was launched for some towering sixes. Like Swine Flu, dropping catches is very contagious. For this, we only need to ask Beckett, Wragg, Norman R, Nesfield and probably Dan Fryer. A combination of some excellent hitting, determined running between the wickets and abysmal fielding saw Flamborough post a way above par 168.

The Agnes reply got off to a shocking start. Wragg, Nesfield and Ward all playing an identical pull shot. These lads obviously hadn’t watched the first innings. Charlie Watts had the chance to make amends for his dropped catch. Charlie was regrettably bowled for a first ball duck (Charlie later retired from all forms of cricket). Agnes ended the innings 90ao.

Will this game be remembered for Charlie Watts dropped catch that cost 100? Or for Jamie Nesfield’s disastrous return? Or will it be remembered for the scandal that took place in the Royal Dog and Duck afterwards? The pub that continually throws up famous Agnes evenings.  At this moment in time, there is a lot of hearsay and it all depends on whose side of the story you listen to. Currently, the writer can only confirm that Pedro (Flamborough’s umpire) had a Rolex watch stolen. Will Norman says the timepiece was planted on him by Rob Fryer (the Rob Fyer who was excluded from the prison service for a similar offence). Rob Fryer says that he played no part in this scandal. The end of year dinner will decide these men’s fate.

No port moment.

Up t’Agnes.

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Agnes 128 – 3 beat Flamborough 127 – 6

Louis Beckett Boy Wonder

Jamie Nesfield, the once Marmite figure of the Bridlington evening league and Marmite figure of the Agnes team, has now firmly turned himself into a gruel like, hate symbol with his latest decision of choosing to play for Flixton ahead of the Agnes. How Jamie is reintegrated into the team after this latest sign of disrespect is a decision that I certainly do not envy the manager having to make.

Flamborough began their innings in steady fashion, choosing to accumulate singles at every opportunity. Dan Fryer found himself stood in many different positions. At one point he was stood 10 yards, directly behind wicketkeeper Will Watts. This position from now on will be called the Dan Fryer.

Mark Beckett caught the catch of his life; a ridiculous 1 handed, looking backwards snaffle. Sam Moore ran away from a catch. A decision that he instantly regretted and the skipper made a comeback to bowling, one that I’m sure he’d like to forget. Flamborough ended on a very competitive 128.

In reply, Will Norman went back to a ball that he shouldn’t have and was bowled. This gave Louis Beckett the chance to stride to the wicket. Louis took off from exactly where he left his innings against BAB. From the time he was at the crease, it rained boundaries. Louis ended the innings on 84 not out and because of him he made the whole run chase seem rather tranquil. People were heard muttering, “Is Louis making a big mistake choosing football ahead of cricket?” I would say that the simple answer is yes.

The after game formalities took place as usual at t’Manor. Will Watts was very territorial over the pizzas, choosing to hide them on other tables. Despite hiding pizzas his supplies were still pillaged, looted and ransacked by other, heavier members of the team. Port moment was shared between father and son Beckett.

Up t’Agnes.

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RBA – 130 – 4 beat BAB (&AOB) 89 ao

A star for Beckett.

The Agnes academy has long been the envy of many other clubs in the Bridlington Evening League. The manager has the luxury of calling upon his impressive stable of talented youngsters. The problems of injury, availability, lack of confidence and chronic weight gain do however provide headaches. It was nevertheless a member of the Academy that single handily won this fixture.

Playing the mighty and much feared BAB is never an easy or particularly pleasant task. Louis obviously didn’t get this message. The ginger haired youngster grabbed the game by the scruff of the neck and was involved from start to finish.

Will Norman departed in the first over to a ball that reared from a length. This allowed Beckett to join fellow Academy product Will Watts at the crease. It was the arrival of Marley Ward that changed the game; turning ones into two and even ones into threes at times. Louis Beckett then decided enough was enough and began to hit boundary after boundary. Needing 4 off the last ball to secure a much deserved hundred the bowler bowled a wide ball but unfortunately, The Baby Faced Assasin – Fred didn’t give the wide. Beckett ended on a very impressive 96 not out.

It was then time for Beckett and Jamie Nesfield to bowl and build pressure. A very impressive fielding performance and Marley Ward being his usual horrible self behind the stumps meant that it was never a nice experience for BAB. Poor Ricky Riley will justify for Marley’s punishing words. Dan Brumpton held firm and as long as he was at the crease anything was possible. Needing another 41 runs with only 1 wicket left the final wicket fell, fittingly Louis Beckett caught the catch.

Port Moment – an easy one, Sam Wragg.

Up t’Agnes

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The Agnes 94 – 1 beat Driffield Academy 93 – 7

A regular theme of the 2019 season has been that of poor excuses and weak reasons for not playing. With many regulars once again either sick, lame or lazy it meant that Will Watts was able to call upon 3 of his school friends. These lads needed a nickname. The 3 musketeers was suggested. Worryingly, the good the bad and ugly appears to be the nickname that will stick.

The ball was thrown to new boy Fred “The baby-faced assassin” who looks like he will be a useful addition with his handy seam bowling. Fred, Beckett, Flame and Tom Norman restricted the Academy to a useful 93 of their 20 overs.

The Agnes innings began well. Will Watts and Will Norman combining to hit boundaries. When Watts was out Louis Beckett came in and continued from the previous night in smashing 31 form 12 deliveries. Agnes reached their target in a comfortable 9.3 overs.

The Agnes recorded their 2nd win in as many days. We had 3 new useful additions. The port moment was shared between the new youngsters. Pizza was eaten and port was swilled. The manager had a smile on his face. All was well in the camp….surely? Well… Guy (another new player) asked (once the pizzas had been devoured) if we get any more pizza.

When Guy was told that there would be no more pizzas arriving he simply replied, “Fred, we’re gunna have to go to Maccies mate!” Will we ever see Guy again? Maybe only if the judge puts more pizza in the oven. Watch this space…

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Burton Agnes 94 – 9 beat WetWang 20 all out

A strong line up assembled for this bottom of the table of encounter. Wetwang arrived with a big squad. A squad that included wives, girlfriends, grandparents and children. Was this big squad because they love cricket? Or was this because they had heard about the pizza at t’Manor after the game? A betting man would suggest the latter.

The mind games for this clash began early. Two of Wetwang’s elder statement did the unheard of act and moved Watty’s scoring bench. This bold and brave, thinking out of the box move appeared to work with the Agnes score line making for poor reading. 30-5 after ten overs. It was then down to Louis Beckett (41) Jamie Nesfield (10), Flame (10) and Mark Beckett to score an invaluable 9 not out to take the Agnes to a respectful score.

Some people would say that 94-9 in a 20 over game isn’t enough. Wiser people such as Dan Fryer would say that you should never judge a score until both teams have batted. And how true this turned out to be. The problem of Jamie Nesfield was solved. To make him interested, you have to put the ball into his hand and make him bowl. Nesfield and Louis Beckett were simply too good. Marley Ward impressed behind the stumps and Will Watts caught another remarkable catch. Wetwang 20 all out and Agnes’ league campaign is up and running.

Port moment I hear you say?

Louis Beckett’s all round performance? Will Watts’ catch? In the end it was decided that Cornish Barry should take the accolade. To score under such tough circumstances (moved benches, screaming children, bitter old men and dirty nappies) was something that doesn’t go unnoticed. Well done the Frenchman.

Up t’Agnes

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Royal Burton Agnes 180 – 3 beat Thixendale 179-5

With many of the Agnes regulars sick, lame or lazy it meant that the dressing room had many new faces on show. The 3 Hatton’s made their debuts. Ringo returned from babysitting duties and Will Watts was available once again.

Things started terribly for the Agnes. They had to take the field with ten men due to the skipper not having any white trousers. Then, to compound their misery, young off spinner Callum Hatton was pummelled for 25 in the first over.

With the skipper now on the field (borrowing a pair of the opposition’s trousers) Agnes began to regroup. Will Watts caught the dangerous batsmen in a manner so laid back you could be forgiven for thinking that he didn’t really care!

Thixendale then lost 2 more wickets and this game had 70 all out written all over it. That is until Matt Nesfield dropped an absolute clanger at mid-off. Thixendale then had 10 overs of pure agricultural swinging from the hip. It certainly wasn’t pretty but by Jove it was it effective. Jamie Nesfield blew a fuse, declaring to one batsmen, “you don’t have a clue do you?” The batsmen then pummelled Nesfield for a further 2 more boundaries. Asked if he wanted to come off? Nesfield replied saying, “I’ve played enough cricket to know how to get this cabbage out!” sure enough, he had his man in the very next over. Thixendale ended their innings on a very competitive 179.

Agnes replied by losing Sam Wragg unluckily in the 2nd over to a leg stump half volley that unfortunately trickled onto his stumps. Will Norman and Matt Nesfield then tapped it around before it was left for Normand and Jamie Nesfield to go through the gears, hitting a bowler who looked like the hippie from the Inbetweeners and an old man who bowled so slow it didn’t register on the speed gun.

Agnes got to the total with an over to spare to record their first victory. The port moment was a toss-up between Will Watts’ nonchalant grab and Will Norman’s tumbling catch.  Regrettably, there was no port to give out with Mark Beckett leaving it in the back of his ute. Well done to the new lads, you can all come again.  Up t’Agnes.

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Burton Agnes 145 – 3 lost to Driffield 146 – 5

On a sunny evening, 12 keen men were selected to take the field for the Royal Burton Agnes. Will Norman won the toss and decided it would be best if Agnes had a bat due to there being only 6 men in the changing room.

The message was simple. Bat the first ten overs and we’ll play our shots when more men arrive. Sam Wragg obviously didn’t get or hear this message when he was bowled off his big toe in the 2nd over.  Marley Ward, making his RBA debut joined Norman at the crease. The two men were very cautious, deciding it would be better to give ourselves a chance than to “go too early”.

After ten overs, the score line of 31-1 read for modest reading. Marley Ward deciding to hit out and was instantly caught on the boundary. This was perfect timing for the now changed and in form Jamie Nesfield to come and unleash hell….Jamie however misread the scoreboard to let elder statesmen, Ben Brown come and have a hit. Flame hit a towering six and ran hard between the wickets. When he was out, Nesfied arrived and hit some lovely boundaries. If only he had come in earlier though… End of innings. Norman 66 not out. Nesfield 47 not out.

Nesfield and Wragg started well. It was then time for debutant Young to turn his arm over. Young was offered Fred Langton’s spikes before the over started but he declined. This was a decision he may live to regret. He clearly had problem with his footing and sent down a real bag of liquorice allsorts. SGT Wilson was watching and I am sure he muttered his famous saying under his breath.

Agnes couldn’t defend the small boundaries and Driffield coasted to victory with an over to spare. Young and Ward shared the man of the match award. It was nearly enough and the first win is just around the corner.

Up t’Agnes.

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The Agnes Chaps, bowled out for 77 were well beaten by Grindale who posted 80 without loss.

Apparently, young Mr Pick of Grindale was angry at the crease. The view from the boundary by your Agnes manager saw the immensely talented Mr Pick playing some of the most admirable batting strokes seen in any coaching manual, with considerable gusto and vigour. I cannot recount how many boundaries he hit during his brief and unbeaten spell at the crease, but he seemed to me to be flawless in putting bat to ball. I couldn’t help but wonder therefore why, according to his team-mates watching him from the pavilion, was he so angry? Perhaps, I concluded, he had asked a chum to slap him about a bit before he went out to bat, so he could get his anger up and play his shots with such tremendous conviction. We may never know.

Suffice as to say, the Agnes boys were a touch below par with both bat and ball.

Sam Moore Sam Moore however was deemed worthy of a bottle of port. First for admiring a new set of club batting gloves so appreciatively, that he forgot it was his turn to actually go out and bat. Second for being run-out without scoring and then insisting his nought couldn’t be recorded as fact because he hadn’t faced a ball. And then again in the field for getting his hands to a top edge by one of the Grindale openers, only to parry the ball up, make a despairing dive and parry the ball again, to the ground. Outstanding!

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Flamborough 110 for 3 beat the Agnes chaps 105/5, by just 5 runs.

It were black as Bill’s Mother’s owerr bi t’Agnes cricket field ont’ opening neet ot’season. In fact black rain clouds were everywhere you looked, but by some miracle, the rain held off long enough to see two keen sides commence this year’s fixtures. Batting first after winning the toss, Flamborough made a descent fist of the conditions during a trimmed sixteen overs. Of the Agnes bowling quartet, only the Flame failed to take a wicket. Perhaps the conditions dampened his ability to ignite the stumps. Meanwhile, Nessie, Wraggy and Albey (celebrating his sixtieth season for the Agnes) took one apiece.

With the bat, the two Wills, Norman and Watts, look to make a formidable opening pair. Watts the younger was out for 17 but you can see bigger scores itching to come out from within him. Sam Wragg on debut also showed promise and great intent by hoisting the redoubtable Simon Leeson for 6 before succumbing for 22.  Middle Norman Will looked imperious until he succumbed to an act of fielding only seen previously on the I.P.L.  Bloody Sky TV costing us a win therefore as a boundary fielder parried the ball, stumbled three steps backwards over the rope & three more back onto the field before claiming the catch.  A Port moment perhaps?  No.

PM was given for the four Will Norman chalked up by raising his bat to a lifter whilst looking completely away from the cherry, which happened to hit said bat and shoot on down to the fine leg boundary at great speed.

The post-match pizza’s I have to say, as per all seventeen previous seasons, were delicious.

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